A ShinRa X'mas
by schweigenaatash
Summary: President Rufus invites his infamous Turks to a special X'mas bash thrown just for them. With Reno around to lighten up the atmosphere...need I say more? *WARNING* Tseng/Reno hints, mild Rufus & Elena teasing *update* Thanks & abt an upcoming fic X)
1. Calm before chaos: billiards before booz...

Disclaimer: Frankly speaking, if all these characters were mine, Reno would've been chained to my bedposts as a love slave a long time ago. Does that kind of give you a hint?  
  
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"Turks, assemble at my office. I repeat, all Turks assemble at my office."  
  
Chewing on an apple, Reno glanced up at the speakers, eyebrows raised. "Wonder what we did this time."  
  
Elena eyed her colleague's cluttered desk, shaking her head at him. "Or what -you- didn't do."  
  
"Me?" The redhead swung his feet off the top of the desk, tossing his apple core accurately into the bin across the room. "He called for all of us, babe."  
  
"Don't call me babe," Elena scowled indignantly.  
  
"But you -are- a babe, isn't she Rude?"   
  
"... ..." said Rude.  
  
Reno rolled his emerald eyes in frustration. "Why did I even bother? Let's go see what the Prez wants."  
  
Rufus flipped his hair out of his eyes, revealing the irritation brimming within them. He remained motionless as he surveyed the comings and goings of his people in the town of Midgar through the large window in his office, arms held behind his back. Silently, he glanced at his watch, eyes narrowing. Where were those insolent Turks? His announcement was made a full ten minutes ago. Had they not been such essential elites in his force, they would have been dismissed ages ago.  
  
"Tseng," the young President snapped.  
  
"Yes Sir?"   
  
Rufus turned to glare at the older man standing still before him. Now Tseng was a different matter altogether. Efficient, loyal and disciplined. Too bad he was so damn soft to his subordinates. "Where are those Turks of yours?"  
  
"Coming, I'm sure," the Turk replied calmly.  
  
"Well they'd be-"  
  
The doors slammed open with a loud bang. Reno strolled in casually, hands in pockets, as though he was taking a leisurely walk in the park. "Hey, Ruf, how's it going?"  
  
Rufus bristled visibly, while Tseng shot his second-in-command a warning look.  
  
Behind Reno, Elena and Rude marched up quickly to stand beside Tseng in a neat row and saluted smartly to the President. Reno shrugged and took his place on the other side of Tseng, slouching slightly.  
  
"You might want to tuck your shirt in, Reno," Tseng suggested softly through the side of his mouth.  
  
"For what? He should be used to this by now, koi," Reno retorted though his lips never appeared to move.  
  
Rufus cleared his throat loudly, stopping the Turks' conversation. With a sigh, he proceeded to distribute a card each to his most prized soldiers. "I know," he said, raising his voice so all could hear him, "That I am going to regret this act. But I have decided to invite you Turks to my mansion for a Christmas celebration, as a token of appreciation for what you have done for the company."  
  
There was a moment of brief silence as the four elites read the invitation, before Reno broke it with a sharp whoop of delight. "You're kidding! This is awesome!"  
  
Elena, polite as ever, raised her hand. Ignoring Reno (as per usual), the President nodded to the only female Turk. She blushed at the attention before asking quietly, "Um...perhaps, as a way of thanks for this, we could prepare the Christmas dinner?"  
  
"We?" Reno asked incredulously. Rude seemed to look rather uncomfortable with the idea as well, although he chose not to voice his opinion.  
  
Tseng resisted the urge to chuckle at the horrified expression on the redhead's face. "Excellent idea, Elena."  
  
The girl beamed at the strong compliment from her superior.  
  
Rufus paused to consider it for a moment before shrugging. "As long as you don't blow my kitchen to smithereens, I would be honoured. Dismissed."  
  
As the Turks filed out from his office, Rufus called out, "Oh and one more thing. Don't let Reno near the food. I wish to be fit and alive by the end of the day."  
  
Reno snorted once they were outside with the door safely closed. "I'm not -that- bad a cook."  
  
Rude shook his head. "Last month.....pizza. Microwave exploded."  
  
While the other two Turks burst into laughter, Reno sulked. "Aw, shut up, Rude."  
  
*  
  
The maid curtsied, moving aside for the Turks to pass. "Rufus sama is in the bath. Please wait in the hall, Sirs."  
  
Stepping into the hall, Reno gawked at the enormity of the area. "Geezus. This place is frigging huge."  
  
Tiled with elegant marble, the floor gleamed in the light thrown shyly by the large chandelier hanging on the ceiling above their heads. The walls were covered with beautiful paintings of dancing men and women, while right at the top on each side lay a magnificently crafted glass window, allowing sunlight to filter through it.  
  
Tseng ran a finger across the wall, clearly impressed by the style. Rude merely stood in the centre of the hall, staring through his shades in silence while Elena stood beside Reno, her mouth similarly wide in awe.  
  
"Welcome to my mansion, Turks," a familiar baritone voice said.  
  
"Sir," Tseng greeted cordially with a slight bow as the young blond made his way down the spiral staircase.   
  
"Not bad eh?" Rufus grinned, gesturing at the vast hall. "I ordered a complete change in layout after my father died. Hideous it was, before he left."  
  
"Whoa, why didn't you spare some of that money for u-OOF!" The redheaded Turk turned to glare at his female colleague as she removed her elbow from his ribs.  
  
Rufus frowned, then continued. "We will be enjoying and dining here."  
  
"Tables?" Rude asked suddenly.  
  
All three of them stared at the normally silent bald man, before Rufus coughed. "Uh, yes, yes...I will order my servants to bring them in when it is time."  
  
"Why don't we just go to the -actual- dining room?" Reno queried curiously.  
  
"This mansion is very large," Rufus stated, "I don't want to risk having any of you getting lost halfway through the party."  
  
Reno turned to Tseng. "Did he just insult our intelligence?" His dark-haired leader merely smiled in response.  
  
"How shall we start off? A game of billiards perhaps?" the blond President of ShinRa suggested.  
  
"What, no drinking game?" Reno said, sounding highly disappointed.  
  
"That reminds me." Reno's eyes lit up, while Tseng rolled his eyes. "Here. Read this." The Turks gathered round Reno as he collected the slip of paper from his President.   
  
Drinking game to be played throughout the day. Rules are as follows:  
  
1) Chug when Rude says more than 5 words in a sentence.  
2) Sip when Rufus loses at a game of pool.  
3) Down the entire bottle when Elena stops speaking for at least 10 minutes.  
4) Drink when you catch Tseng and Reno making out.  
  
Tseng's face turned several shades of red at the last rule. Elena's, however, changed to a rather sickly green. Snickering, Reno thrust the paper back into Rufus's hands. "Not bad, Prez. I like them."  
  
"Thank you, Reno," the young President said. "Billiards, all right?"  
  
Rude nodded. "...I'll play."  
  
Relieved at the change of topic, the Turk leader agreed as well. Elena, along with Reno, decided to sit out. "Game for the rich, not slums people," Reno explained simply.  
  
With a snap of his fingers, Rufus's servants rushed in carrying a pool table in their hands, then disappeared again. He bent across and picked up the sticks from the centre, tossing them to Rude and Tseng who caught them easily. "Right, who does the dispersal?"  
  
Rude gestured to Rufus just as Tseng said, "You, Sir."  
  
Rufus smiled smugly. "If you insist." Slowly lining up his shot, he hit the cueball and sent the ones in the middle scattering all over the table.   
  
Silently, Tseng judged the position of the balls and went to a corner to line up his shot. Reno cheered from the side, "Go, koi, whop their asses!"  
  
Elena silenced the redhead with a quick bop on the head.  
  
Biting his lower lip to prevent an unusual grin from stealing across his face, the Turk leader carefully tapped the chosen cueball, perfectly knocking a cueball into a pocket and sinking another from the rebound. Rufus leaned on his stick, shaking his head. "Damn Tseng. You're good at this."  
  
"Thank you Sir."  
  
"Is there -anything- you remotely fail at? Aside from your taste in lovers?"  
  
Reno protested vehemently from his seat. Tseng's lips curled up slightly. "I'm afraid I can't think of anything Sir."  
  
Rufus sighed. "I thought so. Your turn, Rude."  
  
Elena tugged at the corner of Reno's untucked jacket, pouting. "Why don't we play something else while they're doing this? I'm getting bored."  
  
"Like what?" the redhead asked.   
  
"Um...I don't know...a card game?"  
  
"We need more people to make it more exciting," Reno disagreed.  
  
"Battleships?" Elena tried again.  
  
Reno tilted his head to one side to think about it, before he smirked at the girl. "You're on."  
  
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Author's notes:  
This was co-written by a great friend Natsuki who provided most of the ideas and situations you'll find throughout the fic, despite the fact that this was supposed to be devoted to her as a special gift. (sheepish smile)   
  
Like it? Hate it? Click that button there and drop in your comments ne! Be kind; it's my first FF7 fanfiction. ^o^ 


	2. Truth or dare: victim no 1

Disclaimer:   
Aatash: Oh people, this is Natsuki, the friend I told you about.  
Natsuki: (waves) Hi! I just want to say that Tseng is the coolest!  
Aatash: No, Reno is.  
Natsuki: Tseng.  
Aatash: Reno.  
Natsuki: Tseng!  
Aatash: Reno!  
Natsuki: (bashes aatash with a mallet)  
Aatash: Yaaaah! (pounces on natsuki)  
  
Tseng: (appears)...basically, what they're trying to say is, we belong to Squaresoft and they have no rights on us whatsoever. On with the story...(walks off)  
  
Natsuki: Tseng! (tries a shot at a glomp attack with a flying leap, only to land inches short of the target with a dull thud)  
Aatash: (sweatdrops)  
  
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Thank yous:  
  
Sephiroth1Ripley8: Yes! Go Turks! Or more specifically, go Reno. ) Glad you like the rules. (grin) Thanks for the review ne!   
  
Yashamon: Thank you! ^o^ Chapter 2 is here, as requested (grin)  
  
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"I'm losing! Oh Jenova, I'm losing it!"  
  
Elena rolled her eyes at her redhead colleague's melodramatic actions. "Relax Reno. You lost your mind ages ago."  
  
"The -game-, smartass," the other Turk retorted, his hands still clutching his head.  
  
"Naturally." The female Turk blew at her bangs. "I've always won at Battleships."  
  
Abruptly, Reno whipped his head to the pool table, calling to Tseng. "Hey koi, how goes it?"  
  
"...winning," Rude replied, pointing to himself with the stick in his hand.  
  
"No kidding. And since when did -you- become my koi?"  
  
The President chuckled as the bald man calmly flipped the finger to the redhead. Momentarily distracted, Elena lifted her head from her game with Reno to see what was amusing the rest of them. Quick as a flash, Reno reached over and switched the position of one of Elena's ships.   
  
"Reno..." Tseng chided, glancing over his shoulder while lining his shot.  
  
"What?" his second-in-command smiled innocently.  
  
"Never mind," the Turk leader sighed, before hitting the cueball.   
  
"Hey Ruf baby, where's the booze?" Reno called out.  
  
Rufus nearly snapped his stick in half across the pool table. Gritting his teeth, he fixed his narrowed sapphire eyes on his sloppy elite. "It will arrive whenever one of the rules as listed occurs." As Reno turned back to Battleships, Rufus added with a touch of menace. "Stop calling me Ruf."  
  
"Ok, Prez Ruf," Reno agreed sarcastically.  
  
"Call it," Elena said impatiently.  
  
"G5."  
  
"What?!" Elena gasped in surprise. "You sank one of my ships!"  
  
The redhead leaned back against his seat, a smug smirk on his face.  
  
*  
  
Rufus poured the pale brown drink into five slender wine glasses. Capping the bottle, he handed it to the nearest servant, who immediately took the bottle, bowed and left the scene. Swirling the drink in his glass, he took a sip, nodding to his Turks. "Go on. I lost the game to Tseng, so it entitles us to one sip."  
  
Curious, Elena brought the glass to her face and sniffed at it. "What is it, Sir?"  
  
Tseng took a sip and grimaced. "It's a tad strong."  
  
Rude took his drink without comment, while Rufus flashed his trademark smirk at Reno. "I'm sure Reno here can answer your question, Elena."  
  
"Bring it on," the Turk in question challenged happily, snatching the glass from the table to taste the drink. He frowned in concentration for a few minutes before kissing his index finger and thumb, Italian style. "Hazy brown colour, spicy corriandor in the nose, subtle aroma and marvelous sweet finish. Momma mia, is good alcohol you have!"  
  
Rufus chuckled with appreciation at his antics, but his female colleague snorted. "Oh, just tell me what it is!"  
  
"It's an Allagash White Beer, brewed in Belgian White style...you silly ignoramus."  
  
"I am -not- an ignoramus, you jerk!"  
  
"So you admit that you're silly then?"  
  
"No I don't!"  
  
"She does, doesn't she Rude ol' pal?"  
  
The stoic man raised an eyebrow at Reno, then wisely chose to reserve his answer. Moving swiftly between the bickering duo, Tseng gently pushed them aside. "No childish arguments in front of the President. It might just ruin our reputation."  
  
"Ah, for your sanity and common sense, Tseng," Rufus complimented softly, eyes gleaming. "Although it might just be a little too late to save your tattered reputation." He ignored the simultaneous glares Elena and Reno threw at him. "What shall we do for the last few hours before dinner?"  
  
"...Truth or dare," Rude tried.  
  
"I love that game!" Reno's mood swung suddenly from annoyed to pure excitement, faster than a pendulum. "Who starts first?"  
  
"Since it's President Rufus's party..." Elena trailed off.  
  
Rufus shrugged. "Very well. I choose dare."  
  
Before anyone could give any suggestions, Reno burst into laughter. "I know! Spikes!"  
  
"Spikes?" Four pairs of eyes flickered to him in bewilderment.   
  
"Yeah like," the redhead pointed to Rufus. "In his hair."  
  
The sudden silence was broken abruptly by a loud protest. "NO! I REFUSE! GET AWAY FROM ME!"  
  
Reno made a fast grab at the struggling President's immaculate white jacket and prevented his escape. "Take it like a man, Prez! You're the one who chose dare!"  
  
"Not my hair!" the normally composed young blonde wailed.  
  
Tseng heaved a sigh and began rubbing at the throbbing vein in his temple as Rufus's yells for mercy rose in volume. Amused with the idea, Elena assisted Reno by holding on gamely to the President's right arm, while Rude silently took his left.  
  
"Tseng baby! Get the gel, quick!" Reno shouted over the din Rufus was making.  
  
The leader of the Turks ran a hand through his silky dark hair and hesitantly complied to his lover's demand. Handing the tube of hair gel he had found in a nearby bathroom to Reno, Tseng muttered an almost sympathetic apology to his young employer.  
  
"Tseng!" Rufus gawked. "You are such a-"  
  
But whatever Tseng was, nobody knew. Reno had squeezed a great deal of gel onto his hand and slapped it audibly onto Rufus's shiny blond hair. "I SWEAR YOU'RE GOING TO BOIL IN OIL FOR THIS, RENO!"  
  
"Just relax, Prez. It'll be over soon. So how should I do it? Straight up here?"  
  
Elena giggled as she tightened her vise-like grip on Rufus. "Sounds good."  
  
"YOU INSUBORDINATE MUTINOUS-"  
  
Rude patted the infuriated boy's arm, a bemused expression on his face. "Shhh..."  
  
Deciding to find some serenity, Tseng left the hall.  
  
*  
  
When Tseng returned, he halted in his tracks, eyes widening at the result. There, standing sullenly in the middle of the hall donning President Rufus's attire, was that 1st-class SOLDIER from AVALANCHE, minus the hulking sword strapped across his back.   
  
"Looks a hell lot like that Strife kid doesn't he? It's the hair, the eyes and that pale deathly complexion," Reno remarked. Rufus fixed a jaundiced, murderous eye on him. "Man, you even glare like him."  
  
Elena laughed as she poked at a stiff spike. "This is so fun!"  
  
"Enjoyed yourself too, Rude?" Tseng asked the bald Turk. The latter nodded.  
  
"I hate you all," Rufus concluded darkly.  
  
"Sorry to hear that, Ruf. Why don't you go wash it off now while we continue the game?" Reno grinned insolently.  
  
Muttering profanities under his breath, the young President marched out of the hall, barking orders to his servants to set up the bath for him upstairs - again. Though amazed with their irate boss's new hairstyle, the servants knew better than to laugh as they scuttled about, hurrying to obey him. Unlike the Turks, they were completely disposable.  
  
Elena smoothened the creases on her suit. "Whose turn is it?"  
  
"...order of rank," Rude said.  
  
All heads turned to Tseng, who winced. "All right, all right. For a good number of reasons, I pick truth."  
  
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Author's notes:  
Yay! Second chapter is done! An apology to Rufus lovers out there if this particular um...dare has offended you in any way. ^_^;;  
  
Rufus: Them? You should be apologizing to me!  
  
Okay, okay, I'm sorry. (mutters) Tyrannical tin pot dictator.  
  
Rufus: (flips hair back) That's much better. Now, why don't you readers send in your reviews while you revel in the greatness that is Rufus ShinRa. 


	3. Fear: it waddles, flaps and coos

Disclaimer:   
Aatash: (singing) Reno is mine, Reno is mine, Reno is mine...  
Natsuki: (smashes a mallet on her head) In your dreams.  
  
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Thank yous:  
  
Cat Connolly: (grin) These FF7 characters are just soo delicious, aren't they? Yeah, maybe Rufus might want to infiltrate AVALANCHE and destroy them from within. (rofl) Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Rappy28: Ooh, do I detect a Reno lover? (purrs) Join the club. Yep, got to love those Turks. XD Oh, and Rufus. (Rufus: Admit it. You forgot about me.) (ignore) Thank you for the review!  
  
Ickle-Wicca-Girl: Nice nick. (grin) Glad you like new Rufus image! ^_~  
  
chibilinnet: Whoaa. Need any help? (holds up two pairs of handcuffs, ignoring Rufus's and Cloud's cursing) Thanks for the review! ^o^ And uh...Rae too. (laughs)  
  
Yashamon: Thank you ever so much for pursuing the fic and reviewing again! (gives you a hug and a cookie)   
  
Braided_Baka_girl: Out of curiosity, any relations with female Ranma from Ranma 1/2? O.o (grin) I'll update, don't worry. P Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Faith: (whee) There'll be more! I'm having as much fun as you guys! Thank you for the review!  
  
Shadow Knight: Beware of what you wish for, dear. (evil snicker) Thanks for the review!  
  
Neko Kuroban: Your wish is my command. ^-^ Unfortunately, if your taste doesn't go towards Tseng/Reno well...Tseng's question might not be very funny. ^^;; Thank you for the review!  
  
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"Hmm..." Reno smirked at his leader, causing the dark-haired Turk to shift uncomfortably. "We've got to ask something that will make him really squi-"  
  
"...how often?" Rude asked cryptically.  
  
Tseng quirked an eyebrow at him. Rude rubbed his bald head in a rather sheepish manner, before asking again. "...how often...do you do it?"  
  
There was a long pause, as the redness slowly crept up the Turk leader's neck and onto his face. Reno was staring disbelievingly at his colleague, eyes popping, while Elena blinked several times, evidently confused by the question. She tapped Reno's shoulder, her voice breaking the tensed hush that fell in the hall. "Do what?"  
  
That snapped Reno out of his shock. "Sex, moron. What else?"  
  
Tseng could have sworn that was steam pouring out of the girl's ears. She shrieked, "What?! With who?!"  
  
There followed another long bout of silence.  
  
"Oh," Elena finally said intelligently as she averted her burning face to avoid Reno's smirk.  
  
Tseng coughed. "Must I answer this?"  
  
"Wait, hold it!" Reno held a hand up, counting with the other. "Our ol' Rude here's spoken 6 words in total! This calls for a drink!" Immediately, he made a beeline for the wine glasses. After they had chugged down the strong drink, attention returned to the Wutain Turk who almost cringed at being in the spotlight.  
  
"Uh...how many times..." Tseng coughed again.  
  
"I um...I need to go to the bathroom!" Elena squealed, before darting out of the hall.  
  
"Prissy," Reno snorted after his colleague.  
  
Tseng fingered his wine glass, eyes trained to the marble tiles on the floor. "Well...I don't quite...remember..."  
  
"Every time and every where I'd say."  
  
"Reno!" his leader bellowed, his face practically glowing. "That is -not- what I was going to say!"  
  
"What?" the redhead pouted. "I'm trying to help out here."  
  
Rude let loose an audible snicker. Reno's eyebrows shot straight up into his unruly bangs. "What's with you, drunk or something?"  
  
"...amused."  
  
Tseng closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his frayed nerves. "Only at night or when we have a moment of privacy. I have answered the question," he said with an air of finality in his voice, his face returning to its passive expression as the blush faded. "Let's move on."  
  
"...office hours?" Rude queried curiously.  
  
"Let's move on," Tseng repeated firmly.  
  
"In his office, hell yeah," Reno confirmed for his lover, guffawing as the dark-haired Turk narrowed his eyes at him in mock fury to hide his embarrassment. "It's my turn isn't it? Give me a dare!"  
  
Elena popped her head in the hall. "Um...is it over?"  
  
"Yep, it's my turn now, babe! Got a good dare for me?" Reno waved to her.  
  
She returned to her seat, pondering carefully. "Hmm...President Rufus is still having a bath, isn't he?"  
  
Rude nodded, gesturing at the stairs to indicate that the young blond was still up there. Rubbing her hands in evil intent, Elena grinned at Reno. "Okay, I dare you to spy on him!"  
  
The look on Tseng's face was highly disapproving at Reno's swift agreement. Before the redhead could make a single step onto the staircase, his leader called out, "That's too easy considering you're more than willing to do it."  
  
Bounding over, Reno winked roguishly at Tseng. "You're just jealous, aren't you koi?"  
  
"Maybe." Tseng's lips twitched at the corners, threatening to produce a smile. "I have another idea."  
  
*  
  
Reno stared at the large flock of beautiful white doves pecking at the ground and scratching it in search for edible food outside the mansion. Grimacing, he turned to face the other Turks, with Tseng at the lead, eyes twinkling with hilarity. "Tell me again what I have to do."  
  
"Feed them," Tseng said simply as he took Reno's hand and poured a generous amount of dry sunflower seeds in it.   
  
"Feed?" His emerald orbs were bulging out of their sockets. "You realise that I'll have to go -near- those things?"  
  
Elena blinked. "Are you scared of doves Reno?"  
  
"Yes!" the redhead snapped irritably. Elena broke into peals of laughter, while Rude grinned. "Shut up, damn it! This isn't funny!"  
  
"Just get it over with Reno," Tseng advised casually.  
  
Reno told his leader to do something so obscene that Elena stopped and gasped in astonishment. Satisfied, the Turk drew in a deep breath, murmured a few encouraging phrases to himself and ventured towards the flock. As he came nearer to the birds, he took a tentative step forward and reluctantly pushed his hand towards them.  
  
A dove looked up from its scratching and cooed questioningly.  
  
"ACK!" yelped Reno as he leapt backwards. "Stop laughing!" he roared to his colleagues at the entrance. "It isn't -funny-!!"  
  
Swearing, the redhead tried again. This time, several doves responded to the free food. A little too enthusiastically.  
  
"AAAAAAHH, MURDER!!!"  
  
Hearing a scream, Rufus pulled on his jacket and peered out his window. He stared, mouth open. "...is that Reno running from my pet doves?"  
  
Inside the mansion, the servants shook their heads. Turks and their peculiarly masochistic hobbies.  
  
Elena collapsed helplessly onto Rude, filled with uncontrollable giggles at the sight of dozens of harmless but hungry white birds surrounding the terrified Turk. Even Rude was holding his sides, laughing his head off. Deciding that his poor lover had suffered enough, Tseng ran out to where he was, shooing the birds away.  
  
Curled up in a fetus position, Reno had his hands over his head, protecting it from the sharp beaks of his attackers. Resisting the urge to chuckle at his Turk's predicament, Tseng squatted down beside him, patting his back reassuringly. "It's all right Reno, I've chased the doves away."  
  
The redhead sobbed in reply.  
  
Tseng's dark eyes softened before enveloping Reno in a gentle hug. "I'm sorry," he apologised softly. "But it's all over now. See, the birds are gone."  
  
"I hate doves," Reno finally spoke, his voice cracking slightly. "I also hate women called Elena."  
  
"I know, koi. Let's go back in first."  
  
Reno stood up with a sigh. "Okay."  
  
*  
  
"Would anyone care to explain why Reno was screaming like a girl and running from my doves?"  
  
Tseng glanced guiltily at the sulking redhead, before answering the President. "He was carrying out a dare, Sir."  
  
"He's afraid of doves!" Elena revealed, cracking up once again.  
  
"Go stuff your inflated head down the john," Reno snarled.  
  
"Why, you-you-"  
  
"Elena," Tseng said warningly, slipping a comforting arm round Reno's shoulders. "That's enough."  
  
Rufus arched an eyebrow at his devil-may-care Turk. "Doves, Reno?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"As you wish." Testing the silkiness of his hair, Rufus flipped it back. "Whose turn is it?"  
  
"...truth," Rude said, pointing to himself.  
  
Rufus beat his Turks in terms of speed to ask the most infamous question posed to the bald man. "Why do you wear glasses all the time? And what is the colour of your eyes anyway?"  
  
A momentary pause came as Rude's face took on a contemplative expression. Everyone in the hall waited with bated breath for the answer. Finally, the man spoke.  
  
"...secret."  
  
Unable to hold in his pent up frustrations, Reno hurled his wine glass at his colleague who caught the flying projectile easily. "What kind of a frigging answer is that?!"  
  
"Yeah!" Elena agreed fiercely. "You're supposed to tell the truth!"  
  
Tseng sighed. "I suppose it is true that it's a secret."  
  
"But," the girl spluttered, "But he has to tell us...the secret I mean!"  
  
"Yes," Rufus's gaze never faltered from Rude. "Tell us."  
  
The bald Turk scratched his chin, then shrugged. "...hazel, green mako specks. Glasses...protect glare."  
  
"Glare?" Elena asked.  
  
"...light. Mako induces...pupil enlargement."   
  
"This calls for a drink," Rufus announced, pouring the Belgian beer out for everyone. Rude silently held out the two wine glasses allowing the President to fill them up before returning one of them to Reno. The redhead snatched it back with a scowl and downed the contents.  
  
A timid maid meekly approached her employer. "Sir? The kitchen is ready."  
  
"Very well," Rufus dismissed the girl who scampered away like a frightened mouse. "It's all yours, Turks. I'll just adjourn to my study to read."  
  
As the quartet followed another servant to the kitchen, Elena perked up suddenly, looking delighted. "Say, does this mean the game is over?"  
  
"Not until you've had your turn," Reno growled dangerously.  
  
Elena squeaked and hid behind Rude. Tseng clicked his tongue. "Be nice, Reno."  
  
"I am being nice. If I wasn't she would've been horribly maimed by now."  
  
===============================================  
  
Author's notes:  
Yes, I am a cruel sadist. To give Reno such a terribly humiliating phobia...(sniffs) I'm ashamed of myself. Never mind, that gave me an excuse for a Tseng/Reno fluff moment. (grins) Ya happy, Natsuki chan? Please review, thank you! ^_^  
  
Oh, one more thing. I'm going to Hong Kong for the next 6 days, so there will be no update until after that. (bows) I apologise for the wait. Rest assured, the next chapter will be up right after I return!   
  
Just to give you a hint: the Turks will be cooking in the next chapter. Disaster? Duuuh. (grins) 


	4. Cooking catastrophe

Disclaimer: What, you think Squaresoft would actually hand me the delicious characters of Final Fantasy 7 on a huge silver platter? Gee, either you're really gullible or you're being awfully nice.  
  
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Thank you:  
  
Rappy29: Thank you, dear! The trip was great, shopping paradise! (grins) kind of tired of shopping though, the crowds and smoke started getting to me. . Hope you like this new chapter!  
  
Cat Connolly: (bows) Not to worry, that particular drinking rule is coming soon. Thank you for the review! ^o^  
  
chibilinnet: (waves) hihi again! Have Rufus and Cloud been good boys? (sees review) Uh, guess not. Rufus ought to be spanked. (Rufus: You beep woman, you!) Thank goodness for censors. _ (eyes bulge) no wait, don't destroy everything, it's updated, it really is!! Thanks for the review, btw ^_^   
  
Ickle-Wicca-Girl: (grin) Glad you like the phobia! 'tis nice to see that the fanfic can spread joy and mayhem! (purrs) Thank you for the review!  
  
VinnieNoNeko: Yay! A Tseng/Reno fan! (hugs) So glad to see you...yeah, there's really a shortage of stories for these two. (sniffles) Vincent is coooool! (grins) Especially his cloak. XD (backs away) Wow, vicious. Well, not to worry, there's a new chapter as you can see. Thank you for the review! ^o^  
  
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The chef threw his head onto the ground and did a merry stamping dance on it. "Non non non! I cannot have zis! Get out! Out you amateurs!"  
  
"Relax, old boy," Reno licked his lips as he haphazardly tossed a pinch of salt into the boiling pot of soup on the stove. "You'll blow a vessel if you don't calm down."  
  
"Too much salt," Elena scolded as she bustled by in a gaudily pink apron, strings flying.   
  
"What do you know?"  
  
Rude flipped a pancake high into the air from his frying pan, a fluffy chef hat sitting crooked on his bald head. Snatching a ladle, he dipped it swiftly into Reno's soup and tasted it. Reno released an indignant yell.  
  
"...salty," Rude blanched, spitting into the sink to rid his tongue of the soup.  
  
"Critics, the whole lot of you," Reno snorted.  
  
"AAAIEEE!! I cannot take zis!" shrieked the french chef, foam appearing at the side of his mouth. "My kitchen! It...it iz destroyed! It iz finished!"  
  
Leaning against the wall, Tseng's eyes darted from the spilt flour and cracked eggshells littered on the floor, a few half-cooked pancakes stuck on the ceiling to the filthy walls speckled with curry stains courtesy of a klutz by the name of Elena. Actually, a certain redhead -did- trip her and cause her to slip...he turned to apologise to the cook but the fat, rotund man was gone.  
  
*  
  
Rufus buried his forehead into his book as his chef raved and ranted in front of him about the kitchen being a home to him. So much for peace and tranquility. Finally, the chef stopped for a moment to breathe, his chest heaving from the effort of his tantrum. Rufus shut his book with a snap and placed it on his desk, leaning his chin on his hands. "Are you quite finished?"  
  
"No-I mean," the chef amended quickly as the sapphire eyes narrowed. "Yes, Zir."  
  
"Good," the President said in a velvety voice that dripped with honey. "Then perhaps you will leave me to my reading now. I thought you french people from Rocket Town were more...how shall I put it? Brave?"  
  
"Yes..." the chef straightened his back. He was obviously proud of his heritage. "You are most right, Zir. I should not bow down to the enemy. Like my ancestors..." he broke off and dashed to a gun hanging on the wall. "I vill shoot them!"  
  
Rufus's eyes bulged as he shot up from his seat to stop the furious man. "NONONONONOO, YOU IMBECILE!"  
  
*  
  
Reno looked upwards as a gunshot rang loudly from above. "What's the Prez doing? Practising his shooting?"  
  
"I doubt it," Tseng said his eyes rolling to heaven.  
  
"He's so childish," Elena commented as she dumped pieces of cut-up chicken into her curry stew.  
  
*  
  
Running a hand down his rumpled jacket and patting his tousled hair down, Rufus took a seat at the newly arranged dining table and looked at the food displayed. A couple of charred pancakes with black tendrils of smoke still rising from them, a pot of boiling curry stew with uneven pieces of meat floating like dead creatures and a bowl of inedible looking soup. All in all, only the red wine on his right looked appetizing.  
  
"This is dinner?" he asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste.  
  
"Yeah!" Elena smiled. "Try it, Sir! Especially my stew!"  
  
Hesitantly, the young President took a sip of the curry. His face took on a horrendously greenish palor. Without a single word, he bolted for the bathroom. Reno snorted loudly in the silence. "Nice going."  
  
"I bet your soup would've failed the test too!" Elena pouted.  
  
"-All- your food would have failed," Tseng concluded as he appeared, carrying a plate of steaming fried rice in his hands. Rude waved his hands towards it curiously.  
  
"Yes," the Turk leader said, setting the plate down on the table. "I fried that."  
  
"Whoa," Reno took a whiff of the fragrance. "Smells delicious, koi."  
  
"Of course."  
  
Rufus came back, his face paler than usual, dabbing a handkerchief delicately across his mouth. "If you weren't my elites, I would've fired you for attempting to poison me."  
  
Elena opened her mouth to argue but closed it at the look on her leader's face.  
  
"Sir," Tseng pointed to his product, "You might like to try mine instead."  
  
The President eyed his Turk suspiciously, glanced at the plate then did a double-take. "That actually looks good."  
  
"That doesn't seem very hard as compared to the others," the dark-haired Wutain said with a smile.  
  
"Hey!" Reno and Elena exclaimed, with the exception of Rude who seemed willing to admit that he was no professional at cooking.  
  
After Rufus showered his top Turk with praises on his food, the other Turks settled down to dinner as well. Chewing on his rice, Reno waved his fork at his President. "What happened just now?"  
  
"Reno, don't do that. You'll put someone's eye out," Tseng chided, pushing the redhead's hand down.  
  
"Yes mommy," Reno said obediently, then leapt clear off his seat. "Ow! Not the foot!"  
  
Rufus rolled his eyes then answered, "Your cooking managed to anger my chef to the extent that he wished to shoot you all. I had to sedate him with a tranquilizer."  
  
Elena choked on her food. "Tranquilizer?!"  
  
"He'll be up and about in..." the blond glanced at his watch. "...7 hours. Quite a high dosage, I must confess."  
  
"Vicious," Reno told his superior, with Rude nodding in agreement.  
  
The servants cleared the table away from the hall rapidly after their meal. Reno turned to grin at a very scared Elena. "It's your turn, 'lena."  
  
"Don't grin like that!" she squeaked. "It's downright freaky!"  
  
Reno widened his grin, much to his colleague's apparent discomfort. "Okay that's it!" she stuck her tongue out at Reno. "I'm taking truth!"  
  
"I was hoping you'd take that," Reno snickered in a low voice, flashing her a sinister smile.  
  
Elena's eyes widened. "Uh, um...can I change my choice?"  
  
"No," Reno cackled evilly. "So tell me, 'lena, what's the hottest part of Tseng you adore?"  
  
==========================================  
  
Author's note:  
I have returned! (laughs) I just love making Elena squirm. I'm sure you've figured that out by now. The next little part is for you Tseng/Elena fans, it's not much, but it's something. (grins)  
  
Elena: You obviously hate my guts, don't you?  
  
Oh, cheer up, Elena chan...  
  
Elena: (to readers) If I were you, I wouldn't review for this!  
  
Hey! HEY! You're not supposed to do that! 


	5. Kisses, anyone?

Disclaimer: Seriously, I think that anyone who claims they own this fabulous game created by the one and only Squaresoft should have their head examined. Don't you?  
  
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Thank yous:  
  
Ickle-Wicca-Girl: (grin) Tseng saved the day ne! Thanks for reviewing again! (hands you a cookie) Yay! ^o^  
  
chibilinnet: (laughs) Glad you liked the cook, although he was an utterly random creation. Thanks for the review! Oh my, you killed Cloud. O_o (edges away) Now, dear...put that hammer down...slooooowly...  
  
Moozavachie: Thank you, any review is better than none! Well, monkey's can look freaky sometimes. Yay, Tseng/Reno fan! (huggles) Aw, don't shut up, I like hearing people's comments! (Reno: You just want reviews, greedy ass.) Go away, Reno.  
  
Yashamon: That's okay, glad you reviewed that chapter. ^_^ Oh wow, New York's a great place, how was your visit? And thank you! ^o^  
  
  
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The only female Turk blushed terribly, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, eyes popping. Tseng slapped his forehead in exasperation, but Rufus approved wholeheartedly. "Brilliant question."  
  
Rude nudged his superior. "...popular."  
  
"Rude..." Tseng sighed.  
  
"So?" Reno persisted, poking the blushing girl. "His eyes, his nose, his lips, his chest, his legs?"  
  
"May I be excused?" the Turk leader muttered.  
  
"Don't you want to find out, Tseng?" Rufus asked, chuckling.  
  
"Not particularly, no."  
  
Elena shuffled her feet on the floor, her head bowed, attempting to hide her flush. "Um...I like..."  
  
"Yeeeees?" Reno drawled.  
  
"Um...IlikehisvoicehiscooldemeanorandhishairandyesIkindoflikehislegsIthinkthey'resexy," Elena babbled.  
  
"What?" the others said in unison.  
  
"I've answered!" She folded her arms across her chest and huffed. "I'm not saying it again."  
  
"That's cheating!" Reno exclaimed, while Tseng breathed a sigh of relief at being spared of further humiliation.  
  
Rufus frowned. "I caught something about his legs being sexy."  
  
The female Turk burst into flames, figuratively speaking of course. Although she did fall to the ground and roll about for a bit. Tseng had his head buried in his hands, with Rude patting his head rather like a mother attempting to comfort a child. Reno, on the other hand, was having the time of his life.  
  
"Woohoo, way to go Elena baby! Now I see what you've been fantasizing!" he cheered, applauding her.  
  
"I-I have -not- been fantasizing!" she spluttered in mid-roll.  
  
"But Tseng baby always wears pants. How do you tell his legs are sexy?"  
  
Instead of answering, the girl began rolling about the floor, squealing again. Rufus raised an eyebrow at her. "This is one of my elites? And am I supposed to thank her for polishing my marble tiles?"  
  
"...doing...a good job," Rude complimented stoically.  
  
*  
  
"Let's do spin the bottle next," Reno suggested.  
  
Elena's face burned. "I'm the only girl here, dope!"  
  
"So?"  
  
Rufus glanced at the other two Turks, who shrugged. "Spin the bottle it is. We need an empty bottle. There's one in the cabinet just outside-"  
  
"I'll get it," Reno sprang to his feet, dashing to the doorway, at the exact same time Elena did. Both of them attempted to squeeze through the narrow arch, grunting and shoving at each other. They paused in their actions at a snicker from Rude.  
  
"What?" they both snapped.  
  
Silently, the bald Turk pointed to something above their heads. They glanced up.  
  
A small mistletoe hung at the top of the arch, evidently just set up by the servants during their game of Truth or Dare.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Elena screamed in utter horror before shoving Reno away from her, causing him to land and sprawl out unceremoniously on the hard floor. He released a string of curses that could have withered a flower.  
  
Rufus snorted. "Aren't they supposed to kiss?"  
  
Rude shrugged.  
  
By the time Reno had pushed himself off the ground, Elena had returned with the empty bottle. She sniffed disdainfully at him and joined the others in the middle of the hall. Reno rolled his eyes dramatically, then made a mental note as to where the mistletoe was. Might come in handy later...  
  
Tseng sat down beside his second-in-command in the small circle they created as Elena set the bottle down in the centre. In silent agreement, Rufus reached out and spun the bottle first with a quick flick of his wrist. Tseng prayed to whatever Gods that were listening that it would not land on him. He glanced at his excited redhead. On second thought, it had better not land on Reno either.  
  
The bottle slowed gradually to a stop...pointing to...  
  
Rude's sunglasses slipped a notch down his nose as he gaped at the bottle which had just depicted his fate. Rufus looked equally devastated at the result. Snapping the tension, Reno cheered. "C'mon, let's get down with the smooching!"  
  
"Smooching?" Tseng said, wincing.  
  
"Kissing. Whatever. Quickly, quickly!" the Turk clapped his hands impatiently to emphasize his point.  
  
Swallowing nervously, Rufus turned to Rude. Just as his face was inches from the bald Turk, the young President stopped and gave the others a pleading, sorrowful look. "Can't I just kiss him on the cheek?"  
  
Rude nodded vigorously.  
  
"Nope, mouth. Right on the mouth," Reno decided.  
  
"Mouth?" the President repeated, his voice sounding akin to a squeak.  
  
"Yeah, as in," the redhead pointed to Rude's mouth. "That thing below his nose."  
  
Elena burst into laughter while Rufus snapped curtly, "I -know- what a mouth is, idiot!"  
  
"Then just do it already."  
  
Squeezing his eyes shut, Rufus reached forward and brushed his lips lightly on Rude's. A pink tinge formed and darkened at the top of the latter's head when Rufus pulled away, looking slightly revolted. He rubbed his mouth hard on his jacket sleeve. "Peh. Peh. Peh. Cooties."  
  
Tseng stifled a snort at the childish term, before his eyes widened as Reno shoved the bottle to him. With a sigh, he reluctantly spun the bottle. Please, he prayed mentally. Please let it be Reno. I will be eternally grateful to whoever it is up there if it's Reno. Very very very grateful to-  
  
The bottle stopped at Reno.  
  
Thank you thank you thank you thank you.  
  
"Either you're lucky, or you actually timed that spin," the redhead laughed. "First try to-mmmph!"  
  
Two pairs of eyes bulged as the cool dark-haired Wutain crushed Reno to his chest and kissed him with all the passion he could muster. Elena had fainted dead away on the spot. Recovering swiftly, Rufus said to Rude, "I believe we're supposed to drink."  
  
"...making out," Rude agreed simply as he stood up to get the wine glasses. Pouring the Belgian beer into them, he returned to his position and gave a glass to Rufus, who accepted it with a nod of thanks.   
  
The minutes ticked by.  
  
"Don't they need to breathe?" Rufus asked.  
  
Rude sipped at his beer, shrugging. He pointed to his female colleague, still outcold on the marble tiles. The blond President shook his head. "Never mind, we'll wake her when it's her turn."  
  
Finally, the two Turk leaders separated, with Reno looking quite dazed. Tseng smiled rather smugly at the redhead and patted his cheek tenderly. "I'm good, am I not?"  
  
Reno just nodded, eyes still clouded from the kiss.   
  
"I'll drink to the fact that Reno hasn't said anything about sex after that passionate moment," Rufus announced loudly. Chuckling, Rude took a drink from his glass as well. Rufus then rolled the bottle over to the happy Turk. "It's your turn, Reno."  
  
"It is? Hmm..." Reno flashed a goofy grin at Tseng as he spun the bottle.   
  
"I can see who's calling the shots in this relationship," Rufus whispered to Rude, who nodded. Suddenly, Tseng released a soft growl. The President looked up, blinking. "Something wrong, Tseng?"  
  
Without warning, Reno spun the astonished blond boy a full 180 degrees and covered his mouth firmly on the latter's. Rufus flailed his arms in a circle in a pathetic attempt to beg for assistance. "MMMMMPH MMMPHMPH!!!!"  
  
Tseng folded his arms across his chest, a disgruntled expression crossing his face. He didn't have to enjoy it that much...  
  
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Author's notes:  
Another Tseng/Reno moment! Plus a Reno/Rufus for you double 'R' fans. (cheers)   
  
Rufus: I'm going to take this up to court and sue you for violation of privacy.  
  
Me? O_o  
  
Rufus: No, fool! Reno!  
Reno: (grins) I'm really flattered, Ruf. Really. Oh and don't forget to review this fanfiction, or I will personally go over there and make you suffer a slow, painful de-  
  
Ahem.  
  
Reno: That is to say...aw hell, can't I even give them a wedgie?  
  
No.  
  
Reno: Damn. 


	6. The end, or not?

Disclaimer:   
Aatash: Squaresoft? What's a squaresoft? I just want my Reno. ^o^  
Natsuki: Cut the amnesia act. Reno belongs to Squaresoft.  
Aatash: (snorts) So does Tseng.  
Natsuki: ......  
Aatash: We're even.  
  
===========================================  
  
Thank yous:  
  
The_Female_Reno: (eyes bulge) Well, um, no offence intended, but your name gave me -terrible- images. Reno with a bust...(shudders) I'm glad you like the fic! And the pairing...(purrs like a happy kitten) Thank you for reviewing!  
  
Braided_Baka_Girl: Whoa...Lina Inverse huh? I'd better be extra nice to you. ^_^;; Yeah, maybe a rabid bird. (laughs) Thanks for the review!  
  
Yashamon: Good, 'tis good that you enjoyed yourself. ^O^ Happy reviewers are good. Sounds like my vocabulary range just died on me. _ Thanks for the review!   
  
chibilinnet: (grin) My, explosive laughter. (snickers) Aw, poor Rufus. Served you right for using so much Listerine. (bows) Thank you for sparing my miserable little life...and reviewing! ^_^  
  
Neko Kuroban: (rofl) Rufus is very popular, I take it. Ooh, Sephiroth...very nice build. (grin) Of course, dear, here's an update. ^O^ Thank you for reviewing. ^_^  
  
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When the redhead released his superior, Rufus collapsed spread-eagled on the floor, gasping. Silently, Rude pulled out a handkerchief from his pants pocket and fanned his President who seemed to be having a mild heart seizure. Tseng narrowed his dark eyes at Reno, who ducked his head sheepishly in apology. Crooking his finger, the Turk leader beckoned to his lover, gesturing to his lap. Taking the hint (with great enthusiasm), Reno sat down and leaned against Tseng, making himself comfortable.  
  
Then Elena awoke.   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!"   
  
Reno guffawed, while Tseng sighed and pushed the redhead off gently. It might not be a good idea to have public displays of affection when Elena was around. Rufus sat up abruptly, though his face was still red as a beacon. "Reno, that was the most-"  
  
"Fascinating? Passionate? Erotic?"  
  
Rufus gagged at the last word, the redness turning to shade of turqoise. Rude fanned the blond boy a little more vigorously with the handkerchief, despite the amused look on his face. Elena had her fingers buried deep in her ears: hear no evil. Taking advantage of the momentary lapse in insanity, Tseng passed the bottle to Rude.  
  
Everyone raised an eyebrow as the bottle mouth landed squarely back on Rude again.   
  
"Try again," Reno suggested.  
  
Rude shook his head vehemently. "...once. Turn over."  
  
Reno pouted. "You're no fun."  
  
"...too bad."  
  
"Elena then," Rufus said, tossing the bottle to the female Turk who caught it deftly, dropped it gently to the ground and spun it. To her great surprise (and Reno's, though it was a different kind of surprise), it stopped at Tseng. The Turk leader stared at the offensive bottle like it was a serpent poised to strike, before he raised his wide eyes to gawk at Elena.  
  
The girl was currently doing some sort of macarena, with pink hearts floating in the background.  
  
As one, the President and his remaining male Turks shuddered.  
  
Tseng turned a stiff neck to face Reno. "Help," he said simply. The redhead Turk opened his mouth, then closed it again. Elena had gotten Tseng fair and square. There was virtually nothing he could do. Sighing, he shrugged his shoulders. The Turk leader gulped, then whirled round to discover a delighted Elena inches away from his face, eyes wide with anticipation, lips puckered.  
  
Tseng scrambled backwards on his posterior in record time.  
  
Dignity is everything, the Wutain repeated over and over again in his mind, face burning with mortification at his last reaction. Elena pouted, looking slightly hurt, while Rufus laughed. "I don't believe I've seen you like this before, Tseng. I'm glad to see you -are- human after all."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Tseng closed his eyes, indicating his surrender. Giggling, Elena pulled him closer to her and pressed her lips on his. Reno contorted his face into a revolted expression, before it slowly changed into a smirk that grew larger by the second. Rufus stared at redhead with suspicion. "What are -you- thinking about?"  
  
"You'll see," the redhead said cryptically.  
  
Finally, the girl let go of her leader, then bounced around the hall in obvious happiness. Tseng went straight to Reno, expecting him to be angered by this, but found him smiling instead.  
  
"Reno?" Tseng asked, concerned with his strange behaviour.  
  
"She just kissed me indirectly," Reno told him in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear.  
  
Elena tripped and fell. "WHAT?!"  
  
"He kissed me earlier, remember?" Reno reminded her with a smirk.  
  
The female Turk bolted for the bathroom, shrieking. Tseng stared after her. Clinking his wine glass with Reno's to congratulate him for his brilliance, Rude spoke. "...nice one...Reno."  
  
"Thanks, Rude ol' pal."  
  
*  
  
Rufus glanced at his watch. "It's about time, Turks. Merry Christmas and thank you for the nice evening."  
  
"Nice?" Reno asked, laughing.  
  
The young President smiled. "It was entertaining for a lonely orphan like me. Come again sometime, eh?"  
  
"...New Year's," Rude said.  
  
Elena pumped her fist into the air. "Yes, Sir! And we can cook for you again!"  
  
Tseng nodded, then waved. "We'll see you tomorrow, Sir."  
  
"Yes. Good night." Rufus waved goodbye as the Turks headed down the street. He watched silently as his sloppiest elite whipped out a crumpled mistletoe from his jacket with a triumphant grin. With a similar cheeky grin, his top Turk grabbed the redhead and kissed him again. The one sane Turk shook his head like a matyred parent disapproving the ebullience of immature children, while his only female Turk collapsed once again on the streets. Closing the door, he chuckled. What would he do without them? Ah...at least the chaos was over.  
  
"ZIR!"  
  
Rufus blinked at the familiar voice, then gawked at the sight of his chef standing at the foot of the stairs, his hair standing on end, with an electric current running frequently down his handlebar moustache. Smoke was even drifting from his blackened body. "But you...what the hell happened to you?"  
  
"They, zir," the chef pointed an accusing finger at a group of blushing maids. "They electrocuted me!"  
  
"We thought he was neglecting his duties and sleeping, Sir!" a maid piped up.  
  
"We tried to wake him but he just wouldn't awaken, so..." a second maid added.  
  
Rufus coughed to disguise his laughter. "Yes, hehehe, uh, I'm sorry that happened. You will find that your kitchen is now deserted."  
  
"Those ruffianz are gone? Oh thank the maker!" the french chef heaved a sigh of relief before rushing to check on his beloved territory.  
  
"You there," Rufus called to a particularly pretty maid. She hurried over, blushing shyly. Smirking, the young President gently lifted her chin with his hand, whispering softly. "What's your name?"  
  
"Ali-"  
  
"SACRE BLEU! MONSIEUR! THEY HAVE DESTROYED MY PRECIOUS KITCHEN! IT IZ RUINED! RUINED!! LOOK AT ZIS, EGG STAINS ALL OVER ZEE TABLE AND-"  
  
The maid giggled as Rufus buried his head in his hands. So much for the chaos being over...  
  
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Author's note:  
(gong sounds) And it is done! Whoo haha hoo, so proud of myself! I hope that extra bit at the end didn't bore you. ^^;;  
Thank you for being so encouraging through the fic! I really hope you enjoyed it. (bows)  
  
(turns chibi and runs round in circles) Review! Review! Review! 


	7. Thank yous & a small fanfic announcement

Thank yous:  
  
Rappy28: You're French? Really? I never realized. Your English is good. (impressed look) Glad you like the fic! I'll try New Year's Eve. ^_^  
  
Yashamon: Thank you! ^o^  
  
chibilinnet: (edges away from hammer) Uh oh. O_o I'll write, I'll write! (hands a Rufus plushie for appeasement)  
  
Blue_Moon: Ooh, a double 'R' fan! Yes, it's so nice to have readers enjoying themselves. ^o^ I'll try for a sequel! (winks) Ugh, Hojo in Spin the Bottle...that's just terrible. O_o Thanks for the review!  
  
Braided_Baka_Girl: Whoa, all the holidays? (laughs) Can't guarantee that, dear, but a sequel is quite probable. ^_^ Thank you for reviewing!  
  
The_Female_Reno: Yay, glad you like the ending. Profound effect, indeed. (grin) Still gives horrid images. (wince)  
  
Neko Kuroban: I will! Sequel, sequel...(starts planning) Sephiroth is good too. Actually, most of the FF7 characters are delicious. (purrs)   
  
Once again, thank you -all- for pursuing and reviewing this fanfiction. It has been a great boost to Natsuki's and my ego! (bows)  
  
Oh, and just a random comment, but I've written a fanfiction centered on Tseng, from his childhood to his Turk days. Tseng/Reno of course. (sheepish smile) Will be posting it up soon. Please read it, ne!   
  
Reno: Such shameless advertising. (pats her head, smirking) That's my girl.  
  
Oh, shush. 


End file.
